Thursday, February 3, 2011
Real Talk with Raze: The Club & Longterm Lockdown
A question was posted on a message board I frequent last night...
"How often do you & your wife/girlfriend go clubbing without each other?"
...and it got me to thinking.
As a married man, I believe very strongly that despite the adage of "two becoming one" in a long term relationship, that both parties NEED to retain some semblance of individuality or said relationship is doomed. I believe this to be true because typically if one party has other interests/hobbies, but the other doesn't, one will "have sh*t to do" while the other will "have time to sit around bored thinkin about what sh*t the other is doing". Which can lead to all kinds of issues (jealousy, lack of attention drama, etc).
While you and your signif may have a lotta things in common, ultimately, you were still two individuals with your own groups of friends that did your own different stuff for "fun". Needless to say, a LOT of what was done for "fun" when you were single ain't exactly appropriate when you're NOT single.
Like, THE CLUB.
See, The Club is a meat-market. Nada Mas o Menos. Anybody that tells you otherwise is simply lying to themselves for a few metaphorical reasons; maybe because they like the attention of being viewed as a delectable slab of beef, admired and drooled over by would be carnivores? Perhaps they enjoy the popularity of being the most sought after pork chop, only a biscuit and a few ounces of gravy away from satisfying the hunger of their inner attention whore.
But...in the end, if you're in a long term relationship, going to the club without your significant other, is simply asking for "trouble...trouble...gone be trouble" [R.I.P. Bernie Mac]. I believe people psychologically condition ourselves to behave a certain way around certain people and in certain situations. For example; despite the past 11yrs of growth, experience and change, I STILL have the behavioral tug-of-war within myself when I talk to my daughters' mother to regress back to how WE have conditioned ourselves to act and treat each other...for the past 11yrs. When I'm in a club setting, my eyes and my penis have been conditioned to think and view women, bartenders, bouncers and coat-check broads a certain way. And in spite of being a married man, this is how I have been trained and have trained myself to act in this setting.
So now, after this psych101 lesson, why on Earth would it seem like a good idea to send your significant other off to the same setting he/she used to broker drunken "Cock Exchange" deals? Some may view this as having "jealousy or trust issues", but I assure you it's neither. And perhaps this has more to do with my view of ME than my signif, but it's definitely a respectful nod to human nature and basic behavioral psychology. The subconscious is a powerful S.O.B. and if/when you add mind altering substances (weed, alcohol, etc) to the mix, what you would justify as acceptable in your partner's absence vs what THEY would consider acceptable in their presence, can differ substantially. An innocent hug that's held half of a split of a piece of a second too long can be viewed as an "embrace" and then all it takes is a misconstrued, or exaggerated text message to your signif and it's "trouble...trouble...gone be trouble". Unless you & ur signif are into seeing each other "back dat azz up" on random club-goers (swinger type ish), that's most likely trouble in waiting as well...
So, I don't go to "clubs" anymore...without my wife. I have single friends, but ultimately out of respect for my relationship, I leave the "doin single sh*t" activities to them, and we find other stuff to do as friends.
Besides, dancing is a lot like f*cking with clothes on. And if ANYBODY is gonna "not get some" or be blue-balled by my wife, it damn sure BETTER BE ME.