Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Pink Slips


Listen, everyone has their own lifestyle and I don’t judge people (much) for what they choose to do to keep themselves happy. However I DO have a problem with people not playing the roles they were “hired” for!! So without further ado, this week’s pink slips go out to SIDE PIECES.
That’s right; I said it – side pieces! These are people that knowingly and willingly enter into a contractual fuck relationship with someone that are already taken. Call it what you want – an affair, fuck buddy on the side, cheaters… I don’t have a problem with side pieces. Everyone in their lifetime has had (or been) a side piece or 2 (or 15) at one point in their lifetime or another and some of you have side pieces right now. Side pieces can keep life interesting and full of adventure and sometimes provide a quality of life you felt like you were missing. But this isn’t about the morals of having a side piece. This is about side pieces that fuck up their roles as side pieces! And I have to mention that females are MORE NOTORIOUS for fuckin up their roles as side pieces for selfish reasons then males.
As with any job in life, if you don’t perform to standard, you lose that job and any references and benefits that may come with it. It’s the same thing with the various roles we play throughout life!

1. BE ON TIME! Side pieces are supposed to be there at a moment’s notice mainly because it’s the only time they get to spend with the person they are fuckin with. What they AREN’T supposed to do is demand MORE time to be spent with them. They knew you had a number 1 and demanding more time is bullshit. You get the time that’s afforded to you and THAT’S IT!! Time is a right for number 1 and a luxury for side pieces – and they can be replaced!

2. KEEP YOUR FUCKIN MOUTH SHUT! Side pieces are supposed to be the greatest secret keepers in the WORLD!! If you have accepted the role of side piece, don’t facebook about it, myspace it, or alter your relationship statuses and tag your him/her in it! You will lose your position if you put your employer on blast! This also goes for when things get fucked up. If number 1 starts askin questions, it’s your job to THROW THEM OFF THE TRAIL!! You do not cooperate with number 1! You do not seek to replace number 1 through subversion or other tactics! Number 1 is the enemy you keep close. you should be able to be damn near best friends with number 1 without any indication of your role of side piece while sittin right next to them in their house!!

3. STAY IN YOUR LANE! As I mentioned in item 2, it’s not your job to fight for a better position. If a better position becomes available and you are QUALIFIED enough for it, then he/ she will let you know of the promotion possibility. Trying to get number 1 removed so you can take their place is fuckin up the rotation and downright bullshit. Plus it makes you look obsessive and stalkerish. Besides anyone who can’t follow the rules isn’t qualified for a better position anyway so getting anyone ahead of you fired is only showing everyone that you aren’t and can’t work as part of the team. This especially goes for getting knocked up! There is no excuse for pregnancies if you’re not #1. Plain and simple, it’s dirty warfare and immediate grounds for the pink slip!!

Let this be a simple guide line for a better life for everyone. For an example of how NOT to do it, see Tiger woods’ side pieces. This is what you call a perfect example of breaking all applicable rules. Every last one of them side pieces should have gone to bat for Tiger from the get go. All that celebrity dick-down they were receiving along with all financial and other benefits could have been long term if they would have known their jobs. But instead they all chose the selfish route (females… am I right!?!?) and tried to force a promotion and or a paycheck by droppin the ball and a bomb! True side pieces know what to say, how to act, and what needs to be done before anything is ever said in case of a meltdown.

You break the rules and here’s your pink slip.

I’m sorry, but your services are no longer required. Thank you for your time and you’re fired!!

1 comment:

  1. ..and # 4) - if you (the side piece) start to catch SERIOUS feelings in anyway, shape, of form - it is YOUR responsibility (as the side piece) - to move the fuck around...the arrangement DOES NOT include room for your feelings - as a woman - I know that this is where most of us fuck it all up.

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