Tuesday, May 3, 2011

THE TENS - Things Men DON'T Wanna See On Chicks This Summer

Look, every year there's some misguided, completely absurd "fashion trend" that women all go fkn crazy over that men don't fkn understand. Not only do we not understand it, but we actually are more TURNED OFF by it. But, since we wanna smang, we let ya'll live.

Well ladies, The men of AshyRadio lack the thirst essential to let that ish ride any longer.

So after taking a poll of the A.R.C. (AshyRadioCrew) I present to you...

The Top Ten Things Men Don't Wanna See on Chicks this summer (0'11).

Don't front, ya'll got homegirls rockin shit RIGHT NOW sittin across the damn couch from you weraing some ish they ain't got no business wearing. And even worse, you prolly told that b*tch she look TOO cute in it too.

Shame on you.

But...don't trip. You prolly guilty too.

So, in no particular order...

Learn somethin...

1. Ugg Boots - Look, I know they S'POSED TO BE COOL. But, in the Spring/Summer/Fall them jawns just look like hot boxes for ya sweaty ass toes. I mean damn...wearin BSP's and UGGHS?!!? Them shits ain't even cool in the WINTER, but to wear 'em when it's hot outside is just uber-fungal. Yeah, we thinkin bout ya hot ass, sweatin ass toes in them shits. PLUS you prolly wearin some damn thick ass white socks in them shits too. Just STOP...

2. Birth Control Patches - Let's be real. Men hate condoms and women hate condoms. While that ain't got shit to do wit STDs, being honest, catchin crabs is a LOT betta than catchin a CASE...like a PATERNITY case. So guys are more than happy to see a chick that's doing her part in combating the war of BabyDaddy/Babymomma'dom. BUT...the patch is without a doubt the most ghetto/trailerpark method of birth control known to man other than THE HANGER. Seriously, are you quittin Newports or dodging Ray-Ray's offspring? Nobody knows...and more than likely, neither do YOU.

3. Bald Heads - White girls; half ya'll ain't even half-cute. The other half ain't even got body like that. YOU ARE NOT AMBER ROSE and AIN'T NO NIGGA YOU GONE CATCH KANYE or WIZ KHALIFA. Black Girls; JUST. DON'T. DO. IT. Unless you're my homegirl @ArmedPropaganda...YOU CAN'T ROCK THAT SHIT.

4. Promise Rings - Seriously, promise/engagement/whateva. If you still takin yo ass out to da club/bar and puttin ur drunk ass self in position to get smeezed, we ain't tryin to see them shits nor hear ya regretful ass talkin bout how "you can't believe you just f*cked 2 guys at the same time behind a dumpster on Water Street" and how "your fiancée is never gonna forgive you". Shit...he shouldn't, but then again, we won't even REMEMBER YOU, so...I guess it all balances out. Just take them shits off and leave em in the car.

5. Hammertime Toes and Hardtimes Heels - Chicks are out here gettin pedicures like it ain't NO recession in America. PLUS, it ain't that much for a chick to just be at the crib and put one of them .99 cent footie-bricks to work and sand them shits down smoove. If you gonna wear flip-flops, sandals or go nekkid-toe make sure them jawns look right...

6. No Lacefronts or Multicolor Weaves - No Lacefronts. That one speaks for itself. YES, men can spot a lacefront just as, if not more easily than, a chick can. Ya'll have pointed them out, we just payed attention. And DAMN, if you gonna get a Gold&Blue&Maroon weave, REMEMBER, you can only wear ONE or ALL of THOSE colors while you rockin that shit. Cuz don't NONE of them shits match with purple or green.

7. Ur Kids - Ladies, understand this. From day ONE...or day 27, ain't no dude tryin to be "Uncle Eric" or "Step Daddy Steve". So, seriously...recognize and accept that it's a one night stand and/or f*ckbuddy relationship. IF it takes the turn to be more than that, deal wit it later. But tryin to set up a 1st date at the playground or havin a dude meet you at the lakefront for a playdate WIT YA RUGRATS is a recipe for "HELL NAW".

8. Titty Tattoos/Hood Tattoos - Contrary to what you or the tattoo obsessed guy you USED TO date told you, titty/cleavage tats are NOT CUTE. Think of all the shit you'll NEVER be able to wear again; wedding dresses...sundresses to family reunions...dresses to court cases...I'm just sayin. Oh, and HOOD TATS. If you EVER THINK ya baby daddy's JAIL or RAP NICKNAME is a good/cute idea to be memorialized IN INK on YOUR body...you've already lost. Just gone head and do that. The Quality Brothas will be OVER THERE in the part of the club YOU can't get into...

9. Guts/Lovehandles/BellyFat/MuffinTops - Look, you chicks KNOW when you're fat. There's a very WIDE line that separates "thick" and "fat". That line is most often YOUR STOMACH/WAIST/MIDSECTION. If your midsection measurement is greater than your titty and/or hip&booty measurements, YOU'RE LOSING. Work that shit out. Oh...whats that? You got KIDS? SO THE F*CK WHAT. Men don't care and don't accept that as an excuse. Do what you need to do or stop actin brand new when dudes see ur gut and put the stop/no/don't action on you.

10. ONE PIECE SWIMSUITS - Look, if you're rockin a one piece it means more than you could imagine to a man. Either you're...

A. Too insecure to rock a 2 piece (whether rightfully so or not, the insecurity is the issue)
B. Have no business wearing a 2pc: which means you're breaking multiple rules already.

Please, very few women under the age of 40 have justifiable reason to wear a one-piece. Those that do, more power to ya. We ain't tryin to see all that extra flap. But the majority are just too lazy to get they P90x or Zumba on to get it back tight pre-babymaking.




That about does it. Yes, there's PLENTY more, but these were just the top TEN things men hate that ya'll persist to put our optics thru dealing with. Damn ya'll for that too.

Honorable Mentions: Your boyfriend's or brother's clothes, shitty teeth, cheap ass gaudy jewelry, toe-jewelry on jank'd up feet, Crocs, Minnie Mouse eyelashes, tramp-stamps, tattoos of genitalia.



- R.

4 comments:

  1. Wow - had NO idea that one piece swim suits were such an issue. - it's too bad that modesty has been redefined - and branded as an insecurity.

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  2. yeah...its crazy how men could view it that way huh? LOL...I love comments from anonymous readers.

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  3. awe... I wear 1 piece swimsuits and I have a titty tattoo... well I guess I'm losing out or missing something than, huh. Oh well. I'm cool, I love my 1 piece and my titties! lmao.

    but good list of 10.

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