Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Real Talk With Raze - Good Woman 101
It's been said b4, but I've had a few personal cases pop up on my radar so I will beat the life support stricken horse.
Here's the deal.
EVERY WOMAN thinks she's a "good woman".
Even the most heinous, disrespectful, self righteous, self loathing, self centered, 8 kids by 10 different dudes havin, can't keep a job or stay healthy bcuz she's lazy as f*ck...you get the point. Even THEY think they're good women. And on FB, Twitter, G+, random social networking B.S. site, they whine and bitch and complain about how "ain't no good men out here". I think it's quite the contrary. Not that there IS an abundance of good men, but I think, scratch that...I KNOW there's an equal amount of women that ain't "good".
Ladies, here's a news flash: It takes more than cooking, cleaning & occasionally giving an epic blowjob to qualify you as a good woman. Life ain't a f*ckin Tyler Perry movie and it damn sure ain't a Twilight novel. Being a good woman isn't even necessarily a globally acceptable ideal either. What one man may consider a "good catch" another will most certainly find boring, and most importantly a turn off. It's not about being this socially defined (most likely by women that also can't find a man) construct of a "Good Woman". It's about being the best woman you can be for the man you've made the Relationship Agreement with. And that means not only communication, but EXECUTION of the desires, ideals and standards that have been communicated...by the BOTH OF YOU.
Of the countless men I've talked to; from married to single to currently in "happy relationships", they ALL have said the same thing:
"Women seem to think putting effort into what WE want doesn't apply to them".
Let me explain this for you, since I'm SURE a good lot of you have immediately shunned it as "bullshit" without even thinking about it first. When men find a woman and get into a committed relationship with that woman, IT MEANS SOMETHING VERY REAL TO US. Why? Because like you consider your vagina an "Ultra Bargaining Chip" we too consider our "Free Agent Penis" our most valued prize. It's not that we necessarily want to f*ck every hot girl we see. But we covet THE ABILITY/POSSIBILITY TO do so. And when we commit to a woman, we trade that in...be it temporarily or permanently. Therefore, when you ask your man or he tells you how he feels about a particular situation or the relationship in general, it is ESSENTIAL that you give him the same respect that you expect/demand in return. But according to my sample size of 20 men of different racial & social backgrounds...it's all the same.
Men feel like their women simply, DO NOT CARE.
About what you ask? Oh, that's easy...OUR FEELINGS.
From dirty houses, paying more attention to financial details, not respecting how we accept being spoken to and sexual likes/dislikes...to keeping in shape, not talking shit about our ex's/mothers/female friends and not wearing clothes that we like to see women in...ultimately, the most important feelings and desires of the men you are in a relationship with ARE IGNORED.
And that's not all...
The other issue these men had was with the amount of effort shown to "make us happy" was apparently "just enough to shut us up for a while". I too as a married man deal with this. It's true. Men would rather you just give us the finger and our walking papers than to tell you how we feel about a situation, only to get the placating "Two Week Band-aid" before falling back to the regularly scheduled programming that we have no interest in.
And this is why YOU consider there to be "no good men". Because when we don't get from YOU what we want/like/desire/NEED, we look and get it ELSEWHERE. Why? Because in a man's mind, you've given and shown no interest in making us happy anymore, therefore why should you still receive penal exclusivity? Lord knows, if you told your man REPEATEDLY that you were tired of him having no job or his gut or how messy the house was...and that man did NOTHING to change...even worse did just enough to give you hope that he would make those adjustments for YOUR happiness only to fall back to his regular old ways...you would start lookin at other "Personally gratifying opportunities" as well.
And don't fkn lie, cuz ya'll KNOW that's the damn truth.
In closing, the big lesson I hope women at least START to understand here is that, in a relationship, contrary to the totem of physical strength, YOU are the driving force. The prosperity of a household STARTS with the woman, and her efforts to make her man happy. A happily satisfied man that feels his woman lives with him in heart&mind, and more importantly does for HIM and caters to HIM, without a doubt, WILL do ANYTHING for that woman.
Nobody should be forced to deal with any situation they're not happy with or fulfilled by. So communication is PRIORITY #1. But what you and your partner do with those divulged ideals is most certainly right behind it.