Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I don't want ya'll to get the wrong impression and think I'm saying that men are "simple" and "shallow", it's just that most of the time, ya'll read into things because you WANT our actions to have deeper meaning and motive to confirm your desires for us.
I really don't know how else to say this but to just blurt it out, so...here it is.
"Nothing has changed...HE'S JUST HORNY."
I've been hit up with a ton of inboxes on Facebook and by email and by text from chicks I know very well, and some that I barely know at all that just like the fact that I'll give them unfiltered insight to the male psyche. And they all ask questions like...
"We got into an argument and had a big fall out, then a month later he's hitting me up at 1am asking what I'm up to...does that mean he wants to work things out?"
Sorry to steal ur tampons dear, but HELL NO. It just means HE'S HORNY.
See, while good dick has this uncanny ability to make YOU forget all the bullshit he's done and blind you to the fact that he WILL more than likely do it again, your puss (unless it is truly THE BOMB...which for 97.6% it is NOT) does not have that same effect on us. As a matter of fact, anything that he thought was wrong with you will IMMEDIATELY refresh in his mind and eyes almost instantaneously as his orgasm completes. So while you're whisked away to The Bonehead's Land of Blissnorance, thinking everything's all good, he's immediately back to "I can't stand this broad" mode.
I don't care if you're married, just f*ckin, baby momma/daddy, WHATEVER. If he told you he ain't like the way you wear ur hair, or you've gained too much weight, or you're lazy or you act brand new when ya homegirls are around, or...WHATEVER. All those issues/problems ya'll had ARE STILL PROBLEMS, even if he just dawgwalked you 6 ways around Saturn's Rings. YA'LL STILL GOT ISSUES TO IRON OUT. He ain't even forgiven you for shit.
HE'S JUST HORNY.
And you have what he needs/wants...a vagina.
Really, you shouldn't look at this as all negative either. If there's a chance that he's actually NOT fuckin off at this point, you got a good man that believes YOU are the woman he want's to be his "perfect/prototype chick". But the more you take for granted that he's still got faith in your ability to become this, the more you're gambling with him finding that shit elsewhere.
Men need sex more than women. In a long enough term relationship this proves more and more true. (Long term as in deep emotional connection, not necessarily length of time together) Men are simply wired for that shit. We're also wired and raised to believe that "our" woman should cater to us, once we've chosen each other as mates. So if a man tells you something that he NEEDS to function healthily in the relationship, and you DON'T deliver, he views that as a VOID OF CONTRACT. Period. Now some shit don't apply, like 3somes and shit (UNLESS he told you from the beginning that's one of his "needs"...) but you should hopefully be intelligent enough to know the difference and be psychologically/emotionally in tune with YOUR man to know how HE ticks.
And here's another gem: If you don't cater to his desires/needs, more than likely, asking him to do ANYTHING remotely outta his character or zone is and will be taken as a "This bitch got some muhfuggin NERVE to ask me for SHIT" type of insult.
I hope ya'll get this. Seriously, you BETTER get it. Cuz it'll save him AND most importantly YOU a lotta confusion and headaches.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
SO WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD!? That all black men run from their responsibilities, leaving their “baby mamas” to raise their kids on their own? That black men are dangerous and can’t be trusted which is why the prison population is filled with them? Black men have no class, will, desire, drive, and are lazy? 9 out of 10 black men you will meet are or have sold drugs, and or have been in a gang? Dumb? Stupid? Can’t communicate effectively? Welfare prone? Thirsty? Not good enough for your all American white daughter!? Well as a black man I have heard it too. I have heard the whispers and the chatter. I see the pointing and the looks of disappointment and shame. I see the mistrust in your eyes and the fear in your heart. While you may be able to compartmentalize your contact and experiences with black men, I have to live with these stereotypes all day every day. I don’t get any breaks or second first impressions. I have to fight your mind and your perception upon meeting you immediately. It’s a war that I have to fight every time I go on an interview and every time I have to meet with ANYONE! Don’t get it wrong, I’m not just fighting the perception white people have of me, I have to fight the perception OTHER black people have of me. NO ONE trusts a black man upon first meeting him. I DON’T! And yet I wonder why this is! You wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at me that I was in the army as an intelligence analyst, hold an active security clearance, am a linguist that speaks 5 languages, and have an I.Q. above 150. So why not give that benefit of the doubt to everyone? Cause it’s a stupid thing to gamble my life and safety on!
So the question is, is the black man as terrible as his reputation states!? Being who I am I could argue this point endlessly without a clear decision, so I took the liberty of giving a few pluses and minus to leave the discussion open for more points of view. However, here is my initial view on the matter:
1. Black Men gave themselves their own reputation. You see it every day in the media. The music portrays it and they revel in it on talk shows. You can barely listen to a rap song without hearing about pimps and hoes and the Maury show is built around the black man’s escape of fatherhood! COUNTER POINT is that the media stereotypes black men too, but it’s not just the media! The government has historically oppressed black men since we were brought here and it continues to do so today albeit subtly. Anyone being oppressed naturally tries to find escape by any means necessary and in this situation escape may mean relief of government control which ironically usually ends up with the government intervening in some way or another.
2. Black Women gave black men their reputation. As soon as you read that you pictured a stereotypical black woman talking bad about black men. About how he doesn’t take care of his kids. About how he doesn’t have a job. About how he got 3 baby mamas. About how he’s never home. About how she know he got money but she can’t have none. About how his lazy ass need to get up get out and get sum’n! You get the point. COUNTERPOINT is that there are just as many black women describing black men as gods as there are black women disgusted by them. Truth of the matter is that the ones that talk about them negatively have better press and a bigger audience. Truth be told, as horrible as they speak about black men, the majority of them stay with one if not find another, so in truth, how bad can it REALLY be if you’re still sticking around?
3. Where are all the good black men? First of all, you have to realize that there is no such thing as a pure good man or a pure bad man – no matter the race, color, or creed. If you believe for one second that there is one race superior at being good men over the other, you are sorely mistaken and I look forward to laughing in your face. Secondly every man has had their moments -good or evil. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of and to be fully honest, our being a good man or stereotypically bad man depends on the woman we are with! Some of them just aren’t worth the effort or time. COUNTERPOINT is that there is a trend of black women raising boys on their own without some kind of father figure in their lives so these boys don’t get the “man-training” they desperately need so they (the boys) adopt a persona from what they see and hear and continue the cycle. This wouldn’t be so bad if what they saw wasn’t a mother with several boyfriends, that talks trash about their (again the boys) father, has brother s with other daddies, and videos and television showing stereotypical black men. Continue this point to its logical conclusion and you have what you see today.
SO who’s to blame? Is it the black community? The government? Other races? Ourselves? Are we doomed to this fate forever? How do we escape it? I hear it so much on social media sites that it has become maddening. Honestly, the fight is getting old and I’m getting tired. Send you input to the comments below or on the social media site you found this on. Your complex thoughts on the matter will be much appreciated no matter how far left or right you are!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
I am not a local celebrity.
What I AM, is a modestly popular guy that makes music out of love, a husband, a father and a friend to more people than I realize I am.
I am a man whose words carry weight with more people than I am at times comfortable with.
Most importantly tho, I am a human being.
Along with that comes the usual fare; happiness, anger, frustration, jubilation and most often lately, PAIN.
For the past almost 2 months, I've been coping with the loss of my uncle. I refer to him as my Big Brother, because we were only 6yrs apart in age and were raised 3/4ths of our lives in the same household, by the same people. He died of massive heart failure at the age of 38, and it came out of NOWHERE. None of us saw it coming, and a man that I'm sure EVERYBODY that knew him will tell you was one level short of "invincible", was called home by God.
He left behind 2 kids and a multitude of people that, in all of their own individual ways and unique reasons, LOVE THE HELL OUT OF HIM.
And it hurts. Like hell.
Some days I don't feel like getting out of bed. I just wanna lay there and cry. Some days I drive to, at, and home from work and just wanna pull to the side of the road because I see a billboard or hear a song on a mix and wanna turn the car off and BREAK DOWN. I'm having trouble even typing this article...but, I have to.
No, I NEED TO.
We live in a society where EVERYONE owns a little corner of the world. With the internet and social networking we are all more connected than ever before. With that comes dealing with the elusive, invisible mental & emotional barrier of what is and is not "too much to share" with the world.
ESPECIALLY for me.
I've always been an open book. Ask me anything. About me, my life's experiences, my opinions, my advice...I have always tried to be there for more people than I have prolly ever been capable of. Because I love people.
I got that from Big E.
When people lose someone and they say the cliche' "I feel like a part of me is missing/gone/lost" sometimes we don't really understand the gravity of it till it happens to US. Well, ever since I can remember all I ever wanted to be was JUST like my big brother. As a kid and early teen I emulated his personality and his ideals of right vs wrong, loyalty to those loyal to you, and most importantly to always love people FIRST. And to never hate. I took his lessons and coveted them, embraced them into my very most inner being. What started off as little brother emulation, became an evolved and at times exaggeration of what he was. And I, along with some other people think it's great and that the world could certainly use a helluva lot more of it.
And now, the most influential being to what has ever in life made me tick...is gone.
At most jobs, you're sometimes given bereavement time...to "get over" the mourning period of a close family loss. Most of the time, that's never REALLY enough time at all, but it's better than nothing. Right? Ehhh...maybe not. Well, when you're a polarizing public figure like myself, you don't get that time.
The show must go on. People need their laughs, artists need their beats, studio time, etc. Promoters need their fliers, and the world needs....YOU. Even if it's only a couple hundred or thousands...THEY'RE WATCHING. And those that want nothing more than for you to fail are just waiting patiently to see you finally crack.
All I want is just to bury myself in my studio, wrap up in a blanket and cry him back to life.
Because he's gone. And no amount of tears, prayers, cigarettes, condolences, drinks or arguments with my wife are going to bring him back.
The strangest thing about all this is, for the first time in my life I know EXACTLY what to do but...don't want to even fucking do it. Emotionally, something just ain't right. Everything is off balance and I'm really at a loss for even how to completely describe it. I'm off kilter...for the past two months there have been flashes of, but I know I HAVEN'T BEEN ME.
I'm coping. I'm dealing with it. I've faced it. And while I haven't broken...I haven't lost it...I'm still here. Other piece of shit people that don't deserve the lives they live are still here...but my brother isn't.
And I know, we're not supposed to question God and all that...but....
I don't know what else to say or why I typed all this shit out in the first place.
I gotta go to work.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It's been said b4, but I've had a few personal cases pop up on my radar so I will beat the life support stricken horse.
Here's the deal.
EVERY WOMAN thinks she's a "good woman".
Even the most heinous, disrespectful, self righteous, self loathing, self centered, 8 kids by 10 different dudes havin, can't keep a job or stay healthy bcuz she's lazy as f*ck...you get the point. Even THEY think they're good women. And on FB, Twitter, G+, random social networking B.S. site, they whine and bitch and complain about how "ain't no good men out here". I think it's quite the contrary. Not that there IS an abundance of good men, but I think, scratch that...I KNOW there's an equal amount of women that ain't "good".
Ladies, here's a news flash: It takes more than cooking, cleaning & occasionally giving an epic blowjob to qualify you as a good woman. Life ain't a f*ckin Tyler Perry movie and it damn sure ain't a Twilight novel. Being a good woman isn't even necessarily a globally acceptable ideal either. What one man may consider a "good catch" another will most certainly find boring, and most importantly a turn off. It's not about being this socially defined (most likely by women that also can't find a man) construct of a "Good Woman". It's about being the best woman you can be for the man you've made the Relationship Agreement with. And that means not only communication, but EXECUTION of the desires, ideals and standards that have been communicated...by the BOTH OF YOU.
Of the countless men I've talked to; from married to single to currently in "happy relationships", they ALL have said the same thing:
"Women seem to think putting effort into what WE want doesn't apply to them".
Let me explain this for you, since I'm SURE a good lot of you have immediately shunned it as "bullshit" without even thinking about it first. When men find a woman and get into a committed relationship with that woman, IT MEANS SOMETHING VERY REAL TO US. Why? Because like you consider your vagina an "Ultra Bargaining Chip" we too consider our "Free Agent Penis" our most valued prize. It's not that we necessarily want to f*ck every hot girl we see. But we covet THE ABILITY/POSSIBILITY TO do so. And when we commit to a woman, we trade that in...be it temporarily or permanently. Therefore, when you ask your man or he tells you how he feels about a particular situation or the relationship in general, it is ESSENTIAL that you give him the same respect that you expect/demand in return. But according to my sample size of 20 men of different racial & social backgrounds...it's all the same.
Men feel like their women simply, DO NOT CARE.
About what you ask? Oh, that's easy...OUR FEELINGS.
From dirty houses, paying more attention to financial details, not respecting how we accept being spoken to and sexual likes/dislikes...to keeping in shape, not talking shit about our ex's/mothers/female friends and not wearing clothes that we like to see women in...ultimately, the most important feelings and desires of the men you are in a relationship with ARE IGNORED.
And that's not all...
The other issue these men had was with the amount of effort shown to "make us happy" was apparently "just enough to shut us up for a while". I too as a married man deal with this. It's true. Men would rather you just give us the finger and our walking papers than to tell you how we feel about a situation, only to get the placating "Two Week Band-aid" before falling back to the regularly scheduled programming that we have no interest in.
And this is why YOU consider there to be "no good men". Because when we don't get from YOU what we want/like/desire/NEED, we look and get it ELSEWHERE. Why? Because in a man's mind, you've given and shown no interest in making us happy anymore, therefore why should you still receive penal exclusivity? Lord knows, if you told your man REPEATEDLY that you were tired of him having no job or his gut or how messy the house was...and that man did NOTHING to change...even worse did just enough to give you hope that he would make those adjustments for YOUR happiness only to fall back to his regular old ways...you would start lookin at other "Personally gratifying opportunities" as well.
And don't fkn lie, cuz ya'll KNOW that's the damn truth.
In closing, the big lesson I hope women at least START to understand here is that, in a relationship, contrary to the totem of physical strength, YOU are the driving force. The prosperity of a household STARTS with the woman, and her efforts to make her man happy. A happily satisfied man that feels his woman lives with him in heart&mind, and more importantly does for HIM and caters to HIM, without a doubt, WILL do ANYTHING for that woman.
Nobody should be forced to deal with any situation they're not happy with or fulfilled by. So communication is PRIORITY #1. But what you and your partner do with those divulged ideals is most certainly right behind it.