I’ve been thinking for a while about what to say to the guys out here. God knows that something needs to be said because everywhere I turn, I hear the ladies bad-mouthing us in general and in large groups and frankly I’m really tired of being lumped in with you no good filthy meat bag mannequin ass pig weasel ass thirsty ass niggaz!!! I for one have got my shit together and it’s actually about time you get yours together too. So this is a general list to go by in order to figure out where in life you are and where you should be! There are also a few things here to separate you from me so that these blind and gullible bitches can stop mistaking me for you! Ladies this list will help you distinguish between a real man and some thirsty ass wanna be thug so you can stop blastin’ all men because you’re too stupid to know the difference. So here we go!


1. GOT A JOB – or are ACTIVELY seeking one! The type of employment doesn’t matter. He could be working at burger king or a corporate office, but what does matter is their level of commitment to it. Bills need to be paid and life needs to happen so an income is completely necessary. This is also why if they are currently unemployed they are ACTIVELY seeking employment. Payments stack up and being behind sucks!! THE DIFFERENCE - lifestyle. If that dude can blow off going to work easily or spends large amounts of time NOT working, then he has nothing to work for which brings me to

2. DON’T LIVE WITH MAMA – or daddy, or some other family member, friend or any other form of couch surfing. There are exceptions to the rule such as being down on their luck and need to get back on their feet (I won’t quantify this with a time limit due to today’s economy) or they have a master plan which involves getting their own place soon. A real man has a place to call his own and is proud to call it his! If you go home with this dude and he’s tellin you to keep it quiet so you don’t wake _____ up, then chances are you have chosen most unwisely! THE DIFFERENCE – ambition. Everyone knows somebody they can’t imagine with their own place because they have been couch-surfin THAT long! Even if the place looks like the fight club house, at least they can call it their own. Hell he worked hard for it!

3. DON’T SAG – their pants. No one in corporate America can respect a dude saggin his damn pants. There is no interview you can go into saggin and showin your draws and get the job. I won’t get into the history of it or the meaning behind it (google it) but I will say that it is highly unprofessional and the people that matter HATE that shit with a passion! Pull your f*ckin pants up and wear a belt properly! THE DIFFERENCE – style. In his off time he’s a mainstream rapper and about to hit the stage and that’s the only excuse I’ll accept! Cause honestly, there is no other reason to sag which bring me to

4. DON’T GANG BANG - you’re stupid in your teens but you believe you know everything and a bunch of like minded people said you should join up – a few days and a jump in later you’re memorizing lit and secret handshakes actin all cocky! Everyone is your family and in your roaring twenties (when you’re old enough to know better but still young enough to make mistakes) you’ve known them long enough and been through enough shit together that you still claim the set although it’s been a while since the last time you went set trippin or on a scouting mission for rivals. In your dirty thirties (should be grown by now) you walk past the young ones throwin up gang signs and the only thing it does is remind you of the good old days. THE DIFFERENCE – maturity. If you are still a gangster in your thirties then your life (however short) is planned out for you and there is no hope (btw real gangsta’s don’t sag – makes it hard to run or hide guns & dope) for your future. So really there is no winner here. Real men will tell you about their past gang life in past tense. That’s it!

5. ARE EDUCATED - simple as that! They have a high school diploma (or GED) and either has or is pursuing higher education. No one is satisfied being a mannequin, undereducated, stoopid (spelled like this on purpose), and/ or under qualified! THE DIFFERENCE – intelligence. they have a vocabulary, can use multisyllabic words and know the meaning, possibly multi-lingual, proud of being smart! The only reason a person shouldn’t be searching for further education is either they already own their own successful business or their current career doesn’t require it. Otherwise don’t be stuck with stooped!!!

6. DON’T LIE – to you about themselves or anything you ask about them. They don’t brag on shit they don’t have and they don’t have to lie to get you in bed! The truth is fantastic enough to impress you and if they don’t want you to know then they’ll just tell you that you don’t need to know all that, or that it is private and prefer to keep it that way. You are not important enough for a real man to lie to and there is nothing you can offer that can make a real man compromise that! Whether you believe you have the golden rimmed snatch or not, it’s not good enough for a real man to break stride for. THE DIFFERENCE – integrity. The reason ladies keep falling for bullshit is because you can’t tell a lie from the truth and you base your knowledge on what you want instead of what you see. This is why your favorite phrase is “heard it all before” when in reality (if you were HALF as good as you claimed) if you heard the same phrase twice you would still be able to discern the truth from the lie!

7. ARE REAL DADS – nothing can keep a man from his child – except a corrupt child support system and a spiteful baby mama! The truth of the matter is that if you were able to clear your emotions from blinding you from the truth you would see that he is the greatest thing to happen to your child/ren and you wouldn’t want to separate him out of the equation. He wants to see and be with his kid/s and you are too blinded by rage to see that you are not only hurting him but hurting and setting up your kid/s for failure as well. You dudes out there that use fake names as birth-control give real men bad names and bad reps because now she is taking advice from Keisha (who has 3 baby-daddies) about how to handle her situation. THE DIFFERENCE – honor. Honor is something that is internal and actually CAN be learned. It’s what tells us to take responsibility for our actions and to accept the consequences of our decisions. It’s the reason my dad stuck around and the reason he knew before he died that he was leaving behind real men in his place and not just his biological sons, but every boy that has ever had contact with my father. Real men want to leave a legacy behind and there is no better legacy than to leave honorable offspring.

So there it is. Stop confusing real men with the trash you keep picking up and quit searching for trash in hopes to find a real man. Guys, quit fakin the funk and giving everybody else a bad name when it’s yo thirsty ass f*ckin it up for everyone! Fake ass dudes get action by pretending to be real men and by the time a female sees a real man she’s so messed up she can’t tell up from down. The problem comes in when she becomes comfortable with the confusion. Nuff said!


  1. What can I say? This piece is AMAZING!!! Intelligent, well-written, funny and informative. EVERYONE needs to read this. Too often people think reality is what they see everyday. When in fact, the shit they see is so far from the way things "should" be. Just because everyone around you is a certain way, doesn't mean its the right way. That's why I try to be the best woman I can be. I want my son to look for certain things in a woman. I want him to respect women and know the difference between a woman and a female. I don't allow just any guy in my child's life. If you're not a real man (and this goes for family, friends, or prospective lovers) you aren't coming around my son. He needs to see positive black men doing good things so that he can realize and demonstrate self-worth. Great job on this J-Boogie. It was an interesting and entertaining read. :-)


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